S.I.A.N

Stuck.In.A.Nut = SIAN

(ok i know it prolly sounds better ending with Rut, but I'm not really 'in a rut' now, more of like just feeling enclosed in a shell kind...)

I'm feeling damn sian.. of work, of the weather, of myself, and just about everything.

No, I'm not depressed. Haven't been for a long long while. Maybe I should. I'm just SIAN. Restless. N I don't know what other adjective to aptly describe my current state of emotions. ha

Can i just do WHATEVER I want? Just for a little teeny while?! Prweety Pluueeze?

I Need a break. A REAL one. Not just jet setting from one place to another.

I'm also Sick from hearing about all the illness, diseases and deaths ard the world.

Close to home, I had an uncle who passed on almost two years ago, another uncle still in Intensive care since the same time,

yet another uncle jus admitted into hospital cos he suddenly fell from giddiness, and my beloved grand dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease last year...

I hate it. But it's Life. Life and Death. Living and Dying every moment. Constant cycles.

But not just that. I wana morph into a different person, existing in a different world. I want to BursT out and be someone NEW.. can I?

Hmmm. Would you like life to be a sine curve or a stagnant line?

I was always more for the sine curve. I feel that it's good to be feeling down at times. So to appreciate the better times, better.

Not emotionally down, but just, down. A good down. Is that paradoxical? Shrug.

That's why I personify myself like the Wave. Water really symbolises many things to me.

A lil example: Not only I'm of a Water sign, but water has three states of matter. To me, that is versatility. I don't want to go about explaining the significance of it on my blog.

But if you get me, you get. N then you will smile. Secrets.

Is it abstract? No. It's almost like philosophy without the jargons. Maybe. Perhaps.

I tend to like to think into things sometimes and conjour funny images or scenarios. Amusing. N then i laugh. Yes, to myself.

I never share ALL my thoughts and things I do with anyone, even more not so on the blog. So no one can ever think like me or be like me.

This blog does not mean every bit of my life. N I wana retain my unique self. Yes, i believe we are ALL special in some way. Got to trust in it.

If only I could connect some printer like machine to my brain and have the wave of neurons form some design, pattern or shape.

I wonder how it'd be like... :)

Can I share sth I wrote?

" On top of the hill
Embracing the vast silence of the surrounding space.
Hear the stars and darkness speak,
Questioning the reality which beckons.
Flickering lights reflecting off the shadows of the ocean,
With the howling wind and melodious music of the waves.
Somewhat LOST in midst of it all,
Yet believing a tunnel of light would be found, shine and burn.
Shouting across tall trees and landscape,
Releasing suppressed souls through echoes."

I think I just got into random blubbering again. Amazing. Oh yes, i almost forgot how short my attention span is. ha. That's WHY I need visuals. Visual being I am.



On the way back home, I witnessed a site where two cars crashed. Damn bad shape. I would think the people in the cars should be pretty badly hurt.

Guess we'd read it in the papers tomorrow huh.



K, I'm beat. I watched the Oscar Post Parties on Lifestyle Channel last night. Love the people and the fashion.

Oooh. I've got a deadline comin' up. Better start working on that. Bah.

But sleep comes first. Toodles.